Dealing with Stressful Situations
- craftedbyiron
- Apr 27
- 5 min read
As I walk down to my kayak I notice a few boats already on the water. The warm morning sun is just beginning to burn away the dew from the night before. I am surrounded by beauty. I hear the loons in the distance sounding off, making themselves known to the world. There is a slight chill in the moist morning air. It is a beautiful summer morning. I threw my bag in my kayak, put on my life jacket (never have been a good swimmer) and jumped in my kayak. It is just me, my kayak, and the lake. The world stops when I am paddling. My worries melt away. The biggest decision I have to make today is if I want to slowly glide along the lake or challenge myself to try to beat my previous record from the day before.
Today’s blog is inspired by the warmer and sunnier days of late. We all have activities that help to quiet the noise. Things that we love to do. Some of our interests take time and resources, but others take very little of either, such as soaking in a warm bath, watching the sunset, or going to watch your favorite little league team on their home field. We often get wrapped up in our schedule, take on too many responsibilities, and get stuck thinking in our head thinking about our worries. We need to take care of ourselves and “fill our cup” occasionally. It can make a true difference in our lives.
I challenge each of you to plan something today that will help you to reset. Something that reminds you “why” you do what you do. I also encourage you to think a couple of months ahead and plan something you can look forward to, such as a camping/kayaking trip, or a hike with friends. It is just as important to plan a reward for ourselves as it is to plan our goals. We need to take time to feed our soul the same way we feed our body. In life, we regularly have to buckle down, and drive hard to achieve success at our jobs, and in our personal lives. It is easier to work hard, day after day, when we know we have something to look forward to.
In a well-known study conducted over a 12-year period by Salvatore R. Maddi and Suzanne C. Kobasa they explored the impact of a traumatic event (job loss) on study participants. The study found that 2/3 of the study participants suffered physically, and/or mentally. Manifesting negatively in the form of physical ailments and addiction. The other 1/3 “thrived.” The 1/3 of individuals that “Thrived” after the job loss had one thing in common. They looked at the job loss not as a loss, but as an opportunity. They did not feed into the victim’s mentality. They embraced the change and looked at it as a new opportunity to do something they wanted to do, such as starting a new business.
The first difference between the two groups with the two different outcomes was their mindset, which we have talked about on prior blogs. Building our mental toughness is very important, because life is not easy for anyone. We all face adversity. We make plans and set goals but when we try to carry them out, we are often confronted by obstacles. Change is inevitable. It is how we look at the adversity we are confronted with that makes a difference in our lives. In the study, Suzanne C. Kobasa discovered three traits in common for hardy individuals: Commitment, Control and Challenge. Her findings help to explain the difference in the mindset of a “hardy” individual using these three factors.
Commitment: The individuals in the study with elevated mental toughness and psychological hardiness were fully committed to whatever they were working on, even the small project and routine tasks. In Kobasa’s study she found that their sense of purpose, (their “Why”) propelled them forward. For some, the purpose came from their individual aspirations, or their family, community, or church.
Control: The individuals in the study with elevated mental toughness and psychological hardiness felt that they had the power to make positive life changes. These individuals did not get sucked into feeling like a victim. They were going to move forward in spite of the stressful situation they were experiencing. The “hardy” individuals focused on making the changes, within their control, that would affect a positive change on their lives.
Challenge: The individuals in the study with elevated mental toughness and psychological hardiness felt that the bad situation that they were in was temporary. Change is a constant, but this obstacle was only temporary and would eventually pass. They felt that the obstacle could be overcome with hard work, and it was only a temporary test of their will.
I learned about this study many years ago and in tough times I dust it off and remind myself how I need to get through the toughest of times. When we are in the middle of a situation it can be difficult to find your direction. Her findings make sense to me and have made a difference in my life. Therefore, I wanted to share the information with you as well. It is too easy to get caught in the figurative weeds. We get so busy looking down at our feet trying to get them untangled that we miss what lies ahead of us. We miss the tools within our reach to fix the problem and move forward unencumbered.
Individuals cannot avoid change. There is no way to choose a life without hardship. It is an inherent in life. Often, it is our reaction to adversity that affects the outcomes in our life. Sometimes, we become so afraid to make a mistake that we refuse to make decisions or make positive changes, but when we do that, we are forced to deal with whatever happens without any sort of control. When we feel we have some control in the outcome, we will put in the necessary effort to at least guide our life in the direction we want it to go.
I am currently making a job change due to the downsizing effort that is out of my control. I could let negative emotions creep in, which will not help in the slightest, or I can look at this situation as a gift. I have always wanted to train people full-time. I am looking at this as my opportunity to make a difference both to me and to other people. I know I am going to face hurdles, but I am willing to work on my dream. Breathe life into it and try to make a difference in the world. Find a way to shut out the noise. I do this regularly at the gym. Find your purpose. Your “Why” and stop the voice in your head that makes you doubt yourself. I can promise you will fail again and again, but you will also succeed if you keep at it. What are you going to remember when you look back at life. The TV show you watched in 1989 or the time when you believed in yourself enough to jump off the figurative cliff and make a change that matters to your life.
Have a wonderful Sunday Afternoon. I hope you are lucky enough to enjoy the sunshine today. Make today count. See you next week.
References:
Kobasa, S.C. (1979). Stressful life events, personality, and health: an inquiry into hardiness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 37(1), 1-11.
Maddi, S.R. (2013). Personal hardiness as the basis for resilience. In: S.R. Maddi (Ed.), Hardiness: Turning stressful circumstances in resilient growth (pp. 7-17). New York: Springer.
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